ACTING LIKE MUSICIANS
It's nearly impossibly to find an actor/actress that doesn't fancy himself or herself a musician as well. To the thespian, rocking out as a singer or sideman is merely another role to play. Not surprisingly, many actors, once they have achieved official celeb status, cannot resist forming or joining so-called "vanity bands." With mixed results...
The Five Worst Actor-Bands:
5. JADA PINKETT SMITH WICKED WISDOM
Jada seems like a lovely person, and she was sexy as hell in Collateral, and that Will Smith sure is likable. We really have no business putting her in the bottom five. But we did. And it’s based solely on one criteria: sheer weirdness.
Jada fronts a NU METAL BAND!
Not familiar? Check out Wicked Wisdom on Letterman.
Actually, this is kind of kick-ass. Much better than Collateral.
4. RUSSELL CROWE THIRTY ODD FOOT OF GRUNTS/THE ORDINARY FEAR OF GOD
Crowe is talented, a master actor really, so it’s not all that surprising that he can assume the role of front man with ease. But the histrionic blues singing and overwrought lyrics scream "bad bar-band." But please don’t tell him we said so. The man likes to hurt people. In real life.
We’re also going to take points off for the name change. At first we thought, The Ordinary Fear of God is at least better than the horrible Thirty Odd Foot of Grunts. Then, with a little research, we discovered that Crowe and co. preserved the initials of the band’s name to avoid wasting TOFUG merch.
3. JARED LETO 30 SECONDS TO MARS
Ever since illiterate high school heartthrob Jordan Catalano picked up the slack from a panicked Rayanne Graff and sang “I Wanna Be Sedated” on My So Called Life, we saw his talent for what it was: real. But we also see Leto’s 30 Seconds To Mars for what it is: dull. Polished, competent, as good as half of the major label bands out there. But dull.
2. KEANU REEVES DOG STAR
Mercifully defunct, Dog Star featured Keanu Reeves. On bass. You might say to yourself, perhaps this choice of instrument immunizes Reeves from a blog about bad celebrity bands. How much damage can a bass player really do, you say.
That’s all fine and good. But if you were Keanu, wouldn’t you use your star-power to recruit a better singer? Not to mention that his performance in Devil’s Advocate was more believable than this bass line:
1. COREY FELDMAN COREY FELDMAN’S TRUTH MOVEMENT
In his child star days, Feldman was tight with Michael Jackson. Apparently, Jacko inspired the young actor to make music (Jackson has a way of touching children). Unfortunately, the results of Corey’s musical efforts as he grew up in the 1990s were unpleasant. His second album, under the name Corey Feldman’s Truth Movement, dropped in the late 1990s, and the actor and band still tour sporadically.
Here’s a brief 30-second window into Feldman as musical tour de force.
Luckily, Feldman can fall back on his first talent: just being Corey. “The Two Coreys,” featuring Coreys Feldman and Haim, was just picked up for a second season by highbrow cable channel A&E.
The Five Best Actor-Bands:
5. JULIETTE LEWIS JULIETTE AND THE LICKS
Memory getting foggy on Juliette Lewis? Perhaps you remember her sucking DeNiro’s thumb in the Cape Fear remake, or really stretching herself to play opposite Woody Harrelson as a couple of crazy kids in Natural Born Killers.
Lewis’ band Juliette and the Licks is straight-up indie rock, and Juliette does play the part of indie rock chick rather accurately. She also plays it rather scantily clad. (You will notice, for instance, that she is in our top-five, not bottom-five.)
4. SCARLETT JOHANSSON SCARLETT JOHANSSON
Easily the most intriguing celeb-music project going: Scar-Jo sings an entire album of Tom Waits covers! When you think about it, this actually makes a lot of sense. Johansson’s voice is a ludicrously sexy baritone, while Waits’ voice is a ludicrously gravelly and gritty carnival bark. The project, which features street-cred-adding producer David Sitek of TV on the Radio, was apparently all Johansson’s idea. Waits reportedly gave his thumbs up after hearing the finished product.
But this isn’t the first time Johansson has shown her interpretive skills.
3. ZOOEY DESCHANEL SHE AND HIM
She sang in The New Guy. She sang in Bridge To Terabithia. She sang in The Go-Getter. She sang in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. She sang (and dueted with Will Ferrell) in Elf.
So it’s not surprising that Ms. Deschanel is finally releasing an album of her own, and with critically lauded indie rock darling M. Ward to boot. She and Him will release their LP Volume One in 2008.
2. JASON SCHWARTZMAN PHANTOM PLANET
With Jason Schwartzman on drums! Well, not anymore. The Rushmore and Darjeeling Limited star left the Planet in the midst of recording album number three in 2004 to focus on his acting. But his nine-year stint in the band, whose biggest hit might be OC theme song “California,” proves that rich, privileged, famous actors can spawn lasting musical projects that transcend the “vanity” label.
Bonus: Schwartzman dated Deschanel for years.
1. JENNY LEWIS RILO KILEY
It counts. Though she’s far better known now as Rilo Kiley’s front woman (her solo album, Jenny Lewis and The Watson Twins, was even better), Jenny Lewis was a busy actor from the mid-eighties until 2001. She played a key role opposite Angelina Jolie in awful teen drama Foxfire, and appeared in Big Girls Don’t Cry…They Get Even, Pleasantville and Little Boy Blue. Her TV work included a stint on Brooklyn Bridge, and guest spots on Growing Pains, Mr. Belvedere, Baywatch and Roseanne. And she was on Murder She Wrote, people. How was she expected to top that? Answer: she couldn’t.
Enter Rilo Kiley, Lewis’ band, now so popular that most casual fans of Rilo Kiley are unfamiliar with Lewis’ acting past. Here she is in Big Girls Don't Cry...
C'mon. You know you want to Netflix Foxfire now...
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